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The on-again, off-again relationship is a staple for many 20-somethings because it’s often a time of self-discovery and personal growth, which can be directly at odds with long-term commitment, says Rebecca Hendrix, a marriage and family therapist based in New York.
“I think it can be really healthy to separate, have some life experiences, date other people, go to grad school,” she says.
To avoid that kind of tumultuous situation, there are a few questions you can ask yourself to decide whether you should get back together. " data-reactid="59"How do you know when rekindling a relationship is the right choice and when it’s better to cut ties for good?
Worthy advises that if you’ve spent honest time apart and you still miss the other person, it may be worth revisiting the relationship. Lundquist often sees people who are unable to move on simply because they’re not willing to deal with the fact that the relationship is over.
“Now there’s so much more trust in the strength of the relationship because we’ve put it through so much,” Isabelle says.
“But I think that’s what’s so nice about the relationship now.
“My ego was a little bruised, but I always tried to sense whether there was still something there,” Jaime says.
“If that’s the case, you need to press the reset button long enough to do that.” The hard part is that “reset” takes a few weeks for some and a few years for others." data-reactid="62"It’s easy to fall into the familiarity trap.
Familiarity bias isn’t just talked about in psych 101 classes.
“When you are ready, you’ll probably think of that person first.”heartbreak, plus a few questions to ask yourself before deciding to get back together." data-reactid="31"Therapists can list many benefits of going on a break: It’s a chance to rediscover yourself, build appreciation for your significant other (the whole “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” thing), and ultimately strengthen your relationship.
But that still doesn’t account for how difficult and messy breaks can be.